Generally, the amount and quality of communication between married couples reveals a lot about their marriage. Yet, the reasons we don’t communicate well – we don’t know how, we are afraid, it’s too much trouble, our self-esteem is low or we don’t think it will change anything – more often than not trump the reasons to communicate,” says Karen Budzinski, author of the newly released How to Build An Enduring Marriage, a guide on Building Better Relationships. “Below, I’ve outlined 8 Ways to improve communication skills in your marriage.”
1.     Listen Carefully
“True listening means that when another person speaks, I am not thinking about what I’m going to say when they stop talking. Instead, I concentrate on what they are saying. Listening is also complete acceptance without judgment of what is said or how it is said,” says Karen.
2.     Be Mature
“Plan a time that is good for your spouse, speak the truth in love, be sensitive to the other person’s feelings and allow for reaction time,” says Karen.
3.    Tone of Voice Influences the Messages You Are Communicating
“Tone of voice expresses different messages using the same word, statement, or question. If you are not aware of your tone of voice, use your phone to record some of your conversations. Play them back and pay attention to your tone of voice and what it implies,” suggests Karen. “Address your heart issues before you open your mouth. If your heart is right and your motive is right, your communication will most likely have the right tone necessary to communicate the message correctly.”
4.    Ask for Clarification if the Problem or Solution is Unclear
“Clarify your message until it is understood, and ask for clarification of the other’s messages until you understand them. You must check the accuracy of the messages you receive. Try responding with, ‘Here’s what I heard you say’,” suggests Karen. “We see and hear based on a filter we have left on our hearts. Some more examples of a direct approach to clarification: ‘Did you just say…?’, ‘Is this what you meant to say?’, ‘Are you saying I need to do something about this?’, ‘Here is the picture I am getting. Is it accurate?’, and ‘Let me tell you what I think; then you tell me what you think.’”    
5.    Communication is Not Only Verbal; It Involves Actions as Well as Words
Karen points out, “Albert Mehrabian suggested the following breakdown of the importance of the three elements of communication when the content, tone and nonverbal contradict each other in expressing feelings: Content 7%, Tone 38%, Nonverbal 55%.”
6.    Disagree Without Getting Angry
“Try these things the next time you feel anger welling up inside of you: breathe deeply, try to think objectively, concentrate on listening, don’t add fuel to the fire by backbiting and not keeping to the issue at hand, don’t put the other person on the defensive, learn how to present your feelings so that it is easier for someone to take, give the other person a chance to respond. If they don’t understand, let it go, guard against repaying evil for evil, be humble; we all make mistakes,” says Karen.
7.    Fuel Solutions, Not Problems“We can get so caught up in a problem that before we know it, the problem is all we can think about. If we give the problem fuel by over-thinking and dissecting every aspect of it and by rehearsing it over and over in our mind, the problem seems to get bigger,” says Karen. “Fuel the solution.”
8.    Know What to Do When Solutions are Delayed“Once you have communicated with your spouse, you have done about all you can do to change the situation. Step back and allow them time to take the necessary steps to affect change,” says Karen.
From: PRWEB