You feel torn between your personal and professional lives. At this stage, it will be impossible to excel in either area without neglecting the other. The best you can hope for is doing a fairly good job in each realm. When you fall short of your goals, don't dive into a shame spiral. Instead, give yourself gentle encouragement. Although this season is exhausting, it is passing quickly. Do your best to enjoy each passing moment. It's better than the alternative of being perpetually dissatisfied.