‘Go, you are divorced’

Go, you are divorced... a phrase we are used to hearing in Egyptian films, and sometimes we use it as a joke while talking. But the truth is greater than reality, when our jokes about this sentence is an event that brings a man out of his manhood and victimises a woman, through society and its unfair laws. I’m one of them... living the moments of my husband’s revenge just because I decided to separate from him. Many like me, after a divorce, start a journey from one court to another in search of their children’s rights and you hear them say: “My husband doesn’t pay for my children’s expenses with the excuse of not having money and sometimes he does have money but doesn’t want to pay.” After a while, instead of trying to improve things with his ex-wife to see his children and make it up to them, you find him giving up his commitments to them. Suddenly you hear that he chose another partner, or another victim to marry and then you see the money flowing from his pocket and from his bank accounts.  If he can afford to pay a new dowry, furnish a new house and have a wedding with all its expensive costs, then... Who is responsible for that? When a woman decides to divorce her husband it means she has had enough of him. It’s not a mater of  feminine fancy as if marriage was a pair of trousers that a woman would wear whenever she wants and leave it whenever she wants. We live in an Eastern community in which the divorced woman is still a social burden for her family. I know this theory is degrading women, but some communities in conservative cities and villages do follow it. It is not surprising to see a young man engaged to a widowed woman because it is God’s will. Instead, the divorced woman – although sometimes she has good reasons to end her marriage – remains the guilty party in all cases and starts entering the realm of predation in a schizophrenic society. I am one of those women who decided to become "divorced" and whenever I’m asked "Are you married?", I answer with blind confidence, "No, I’m divorced". This word has become one of pride because it indicates my freedom. Who said that we women need a husband’s help? Thanks to the bad economic situation that opened the way for women to work in order to support her family, in the presence of financial deficit or sometimes inflation in expenses there is no other choice left for the man than saying to his wife "Come on, work". On the contrary, the irresponsibility became normal for some husbands where the woman becomes a man and a woman at the same time. Working outside the house and inside, along with a bank loan to buy a house and car, thus making her a "hostage" of the bank...these scenarios are common. It's worse when the husband registers the house in his name, and then she decides to take off the ring of wedlock, and starts talking about returning to her parents’ house so he can bring in his new bride. Oft-repeated rudeness in our society is husbands who do not think of paying alimony and some who don’t ask to see their children.... I wonder here... are those sons of a mistress or a prostitute...aren’t they the product of love between the husband and his wife... in which he may have crazily loved her at the moment. Obsolete social culture and unfair laws... I remember in one of the espisodes of Alsharq radio I called for the draft of a law stating that a wife should have half what the husband earns after the divorce. Some answered saying that there is a law for divorce... yes I agree... but the religious text forces the husband to provide accommodation for his children and their expenses to be determined according to the father’s income. How can a mother and her children live in the conditions of prohibitively high prices, sometimes with lesser than $100 a month. Doesn’t that child want food, drink, clothes, electricity, water and telephone bills to be paid, transportation and a monthly pocket money to live reasonably? I think religion doesn’t oppose the existence of a family court, where the wife has the right to take recourse in civil law in case she finds the proceedings unfair. The limits of religion in these cases are many and the Islamic court can’t check the amount of money brought by the wife to the family as well as the husband to be liquidated. What prohibits the establishment of a civil court which at least can be fair to both parties and the children? In some cases, the husband wants to end the relationship before the wife, because he can no longer support a failed partnership. But he plots and plans the way through which she would exonerate him from everything to get the divorce. Some of them humiliate their wives, some beat or insult them or in some cases abandon them so she is neither married nor divorced. All  of that just to break her silence and make her forgive for her own peace of mind. Don’t you agree with me that this injustice in Eastern society should be dropped, along with the hypocritical silence surrounding it? This wife probably wasted years of her life working, spending and her body is consumed for the pleasure of the husband and the comfort of the children.... what about her nerves which deteriorate as a result of his behaviour, whims and nerves...what about her soul in which love for life was killed only to be cast out empty handed? When will the divorced woman be saved from all this...when will the law deter the overwhelming injustice of the husband against a woman who chooses her freedom, covering her wounds and living with her children as both mother and father, trying to compensate for their father’s catastrophe. An idea that crossed my mind made me laugh... I remember how great my wedding was in the most luxurious hotel of Jerusalem...my dowry was huge...my home’s furniture was the most luxurious in existance...all of that in exchange for marriage. How superficial and trivial our Eastern vision is...the partnership is more sublime than all these materialistic things because the consequences of its termination is deprivation and revenge, and the victims are the wife and children. Laws must be amended...laws must be amended. -- The views expressed by the author do not necessarily represent or reflect the editorial policy of Arabstoday.